2014 Music Video of Delight

Friends and Family,

The long awaited wait is over! Our unconventional Christmas card is officially out! 

For those of you not cheering, you are probably confused and don't comprehend the magnitude of this statement. It probably means that you have no idea what this entails. Well, SURPRISE! Our family is straight from the loony bin. And instead of the great and classic and beautiful cards MOST people send around the holidays, we feel ever so inclined to don vintage, so-ugly-they-are-awesome-sweaters and dance around very much NOT like sugar plum fairies for some good old fashioned holiday entertainment.

Here is the link for this years:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-kLRmibvjA

and for those with nothing else to do, here are the others 

2013: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYBvDCxCYfE

2012: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZRKTqhD5Dw

2011: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z_mJEwhVzI

2010: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SN96BRlkqho

2009: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HW9A3I9SCxI

2008: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufZ7qPR7aj4

We also want to take this opportunity to share something special with everyone that we know. It is a time of year that we celebrate our Jesus Christ's birth. We believe in Him. We love Him. We try to be like Him and we are so grateful for a time of year that we celebrate Him. Merry Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone who we know and love. Our lives are so much better because they are filled with totally awesome people--YOU! Whether we see you frequently or not, you have touched our lives for good.

Hugs!

The Hope Family

Dan, Suzanne, Nova and Griffon

stuff....

this topic has been on the brain lately. i have felt compelled to write about it, and i am not sure i will be able to articulate it the way that i feel it in my heart or in my mind, but thought it would be worth a try.

i have been thinking about 'stuff'. deep eh? my stuff, other peoples stuff--everyone has it. you know, the problems, trials, things that they are enduring, carrying, or just really worried about. no one is immune. in fact the other day at the farmers market, i was looking at everyone...i mean really looking--in a non-creepy way, and wondering, "what is worrying you? what are your problems? do you feel as though you might break under them? what things have you overcome? what are the stories you could tell?" isn't it crazy that everyone has problems, i mean really has sorrow and heartbreak or stress and worry and for the most part, no one is even has any idea? sure, maybe your sisters know, your parents, maybe some close friends, or your spouse if you have one, but for the most part, we all keep our stuff tucked away. out of everyday conversations, and behind the smiles and the 'i'm doing really good thanks!" sometimes, despite the stuff, we are in fact doing really good, but sometimes we really aren't.

so i have pondered my stuff, and been more aware of other peoples stuff and have wondered, "why don't we share it more freely with others? are we just private? are we worried we will feel vulnerable? look weak? worried people will pity us? or do we just not really let it bother us enough to talk about it because its boring, or maybe we are just sick and tired of it always being on our minds?" i don't know. i know for me, its a little bit of all of that. i also know that it would be super weird to be checking out at the grocery store, and when the cashier asks how you are doing, for you to blurt out, how you REALLY are..... but as i have been recently going through my stuff, and been more aware of what others are going through and struggles they are having and things they have overcome i have felt overwhelmed. humbled. empathetic. grateful. grateful to be human, and to feel emotion and sorrow. to feel joy and triumph. life is sincerely beautiful, but life is really, really hard. it ebbs and flows. things don't go as planned.

A good friend recently shared something her friend shared with her. She said, "I think that as women we do ourselves a real disservice not talking about the stuff that we are struggling with." I have thought about that a lot.  I think that is true. I don't think that we have to bare our souls to everyone we know, but maybe, we should be better about saying, "You know what? I am having a hard time with something." And what would that do? Make us look weak? Maybe. But the weak things in our lives are actually what is making, and shaping us into stronger people. Would being real with people make people see us in all our imperfections? Gasp!! Yes, and HALLELUJAH! I know for me, I am full of flaws and problems and quirks. Most that I don't want people to really see because its embarrassing and messy and weird. But it makes me human, and it makes me, ME. So in an effort for people to see past the everyday snippets of blog posts and instragram pictures, let me share some stuff that I am dealing with.

Dan is unemployed. Yeesh...even typing that is hard. I want to erase it, delete this post. i don't want to tell everyone. He was laid off after working with a starter company 6 months ago. Its Silicon Valley, I get it. It happens. But it doesn't change the fact that dealing with it is really, REALLY hard some days. Its even harder considering that 16 months ago, we were in this same position. It feels a little bit like Groundhog Day. We just did this! And honestly it is really crappy. Most days I feel pretty good and peaceful, but there are moments when I feel anxious and stressed.

I am not sharing this because I want people to feel bad for me. Because I don't. I am not sharing this because I want pity or people to acknowledge my hardships. I am writing this because I feel that there is value in seeing that behind every single person is someone who is going through real challenges and real concerns. We need to be kinder and we need to be real with others in our interactions with each other. If someone came up to me, and told me that they thought I didn't have any problems or that it looked like I had it together I would feel like I was living the biggest lie.

But above all else, no matter what kind of stuff i have i know that God loves me. i know that He is aware of every single detail in my life and has a hand in it. i know that He wants me to grow. He knows how to grow me best, but i wish it didn't hurt and that it wasn't uncomfortable. i wish that faith could really be as easy as singing the song i grew up singing in primary. but faith requires work. it requires action. I trust God to put me where i need to be. i know that Jesus is my Savior, but that He has felt every single pain, worry, stress, frustration and despair that my soul has felt. I know that He loves me even when the trials I carry feel too heavy to bear. I know that because of the gospel, I can be truly happy, despite the real 'stuff' I am dealing with.

I am not sure what the point of any of this is. Maybe to treat each other more kindly. Not to judge others circumstances. Not to compare your worst to someone else's best, or to someone else's 'reality.' Maybe to be more open with what we are going through, so we can inspire and lift each other. We can all do it! We can all overcome our stuff. Because we have a loving Heavenly Father, who has given us each other.

Nova's FHE Lesson/Extended Tooth Extraction

Here is a link for the full 8 minute lesson--it is not for the faint of heart.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clcgC5LirJU

Also, I included the full clip of her tooth being pulled, because it is unreal and hilarious. We are so glad she is a part of our family. She is awesome in every way.

i see moms

all over instagram there have been shout outs, loving posts, heartfelt words, and beautiful pictures about mothers. i am blessed to have one. i am blessed to be one. and i have been mothered by countless people in my near 29 years of existence. as i have thought about what to post, every caption seems insufficient for my thoughts today, and so, i write.

i am grateful for my own mom. she is the most self-less person i know. she is kind and will help a person at the drop of a hat. she has always been that way. making meals for people, doing visiting teaching to 7 people with impossible schedules, loving the neighbors, baking bread once a week, magnifying callings from relief society president to scout leader. she is a lover and a worrier. she is pretty serious and does not like to be the center of attention. she hates to wear new clothes--or clothes that look new. she is the most frugal person i know. she has a heart that can love anyone and everyone and her hugs are pretty much the best. the way she squeezes you right before she lets go makes you feel pretty good. she is a big morning person, my mom. every morning i would wake up she would be at the sink and she would turn around and say, "good morning! how did you sleep?" and she would pick me up and hug me. i don't remember when the picking up ended. but the morning hugs and snuggles never stopped. i still remember a time in college i asked if i could sit on her lap, and she let me. it didn't last long and it ended in me laughing, and her laughing and claiming it didn't hurt, but moms are supposed to tell you lies like that right? "no, i don't want that last brownie." or "i would love to help you with that." even though they, of course they want the last brownie---they haven't had any! and they have a billion things they need to do or would rather do, but they help you instead. so on days like today i wonder what do i say to my own mother? a person who has dedicated her lifetime to me and my siblings. sacrificed for me. taught me. disciplined me. read books to me. gave me confidence. made me feel special. made me mad. made me happy. taught me how to work. taught me the importance and joy of living the gospel. stayed up until i got home and was safely tucked into bed. thank you? it seems like it isn't even enough. i love you? still doesn't seem like enough. maybe, you are the most awesome person in the whole world and i love you more than all the shades orange? hmmm..maybe i am getting closer.

and then there is my other mom--dan's mom, sarah. she somehow just loves me because her son decided i was a good person to pick for eternity. and just like that she has accepted me and loved me just like her own. a lot of people don't feel that from their in-laws. although there is always a learning curve in suddenly joining someone else's family and the way they do things i have felt so loved and accepted by them. dan's mom has such a strong testimony. she is a hard worker and has more faith and patience in waiting on the Lord than anyone i know. she recently helped me in one of the hardest challenges i have ever faced. she knows the scriptures. she is a wonderful seamstress and entertaining people is so natural for her. she has a love of music and reading and a deep love for learning that is inspiring. oh, she has a pretty terrific laugh too. 

and then there is my older sister. she has mothered me too. she tells me how it is. she is the best foot rubber around, and is hands down THE most creative person i know. her handwriting is enviable. she is the best listener, has great faith and an unwavering testimony. nothing could shake her. she is willing to put everyone before herself and when i have been at low points in my life or thinking of making decisions that were less than great, i would think, 'if heather found out, she would be devastated.' i always knew she expected a lot, and so i never wanted to disappoint her. she really is the best older sister ever and i feel that the 12 year age gap was a huge blessing--especially when i was in jr high--insert shudder--and high school. 

and then there are the countless examples of motherhood and mothering that i see in those that i associate with. whether it be my sisters and my sister-in-laws--who are seriously the coolest people--EVER. My grandmothers, aunts, friends, my cousins, my past neighbors and ward members, and current neighbors and ward members. i am blessed to be surrounded by totally awesome, wicked-cool people. but, i'll be honest. sometimes that is super hard. (not that i am complaining--i mean, the alternative wouldn't be great--you know, surrounding myself with drug addicts or something.) but here is why sometimes i find it difficult: one of my greatest flaws is that i compare myself with others and see how great and amazing they are and i feel less than amazing. i just see all these qualities that these great women have and i just wish that i was better at this or better at that. and then i feel frustrated that i am not better at this or that. and i feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of qualities that i need to improve on. it just isn't pretty.

i see moms who are patient, and i wish that i could be that way. i see moms who are always planning fun activities for their kids and i feel bad that i am not more fun or creative. i see moms who are great cooks, or have great style. i see moms who are organized and have routines and schedules that are so well thought out. i see moms who are great and effective at weaving the gospel into everything that they do. i see moms who have great relationships with their kids and moms who have helped their children cultivate great relations with their siblings. i see moms who take their kids on wild and fun adventures. i see moms who are gentle. i see moms who i can't even picture loosing their temper. i see moms who never seem frazzled. i see moms who are crafty and domestic. i see moms who seem like they can do it all and do it with flair. i see moms who are musical. i see moms who have kids who listen when they ask them to do something. i see moms who just seem to be doing everything right.........

and then i see me. and i feel inadequate. inadequate in my calling as a mother. i know this is satan, trying to make me feel undervalued and under-qualified for my most important job, but you know what? i still do it. and i still see me. in all my glory. in all my flaws, and in all my shortcomings. i compare my worst of worsts, to everyone else's best of bests. its not fair. i know its not. but i still do. but as i have thought about motherhood today, i was reminded that i don't have to be like those other moms. should i learn from other mothers? absolutely? are people put into our lives to inspire us and help us grow? yes. but, i need to be me. and although i see me, so does God. but He sees me in a way that i can't comprehend, because i am too hard on myself. He sees my weaknesses and knows them well--because He gave them to me to make me better and He knew i would need them. He also sent my children to me because i was the one that they needed. and i need them. they don't need the other amazing women and their seemingly perfect mothering skills. they need me and my flaws. because all i can be is my best. and the best that i can give is me being absolutely and 100% flawed and imperfect. but as they know me for all of my imperfections, they know its ok that they aren't perfect either. 

because everyday i see moms. but i what i truly need to focus on is being the best mom that i can be. and being the best mom, doesn't mean being the perfect one, and that's ok.