Chemo week 2

Nearly done with week 2!

The week started off really rough. Coming off that heavy week of chemo last week left Dan pretty hammered. Although he felt pretty good all things considered, Sunday night he was feeling pretty low. It didn't help that Griffon got sick, and passed his cold to Dan and both boys were feeling pretty miserable.

Sunday night and Monday were probably the worst of it. He went in for another dose of chemo Monday morning, but also some steroids that help produce white blood cells to help boost his immune system. Chemo attacks all fast growing cells--both good and bad--which makes Dan's immune system pretty much non-existent. The steroid is supposed to help boost his blood count and help him feel better. He looked pretty run down when we entered the clinic Monday but still managed to smile for the nurses, but slept the entire time of his infusion. 

Monday was probably the hardest day for me. It was hard seeing Dan feel so gross for a couple of days and see him looking weak. Although we felt so triumphant and positive that week one had gone so well, on Monday morning when we drove to the clinic, we both talked about how it had been an insanely long week and doing 5 more weeks seemed impossible and daunting. It was a little discouraging to see Dan so low, and feeling like I couldn't really draw a ton of positive energy out of myself either. It kind of reminded me a bit of running a half marathon--you get to about mile 10 and you know that 3 miles isn't really a long way to go, but 3 miles is still 3 miles--and you question if it would be better to just dive off onto the side of the road and call it good. Ha! 

Tuesday was better and it was SO insanely nice to not have to go to the clinic for any actual chemo! Dan had Tuesday- Friday off to recover. By the end of Tuesday he had perked right back up, and Wednesday he went back to work even! He has been at work all week long and although he still feels fatigued, life has seemed pretty normal. He went into the clinic today for lab work, and his blood looks great, and his doctor is thrilled with how well Dan has handled everything, and how well his body is tolerating the treatments. We feel so blessed, and so grateful!

Dan is also expected to start loosing his hair in the next 3-4 days. So, he decided to have some fun with it before it goes. He was going to dye it blue, but didn't want to be bald AND have a blue scalp, so he gave himself a mohawk. I had a minor--he would say major--panic attack when he proclaimed at 9:30 at night he was going to cut it. I made him wait a day to prep myself, and he did it last night. He looks adorably goofy--but I don't hate it. The kids reaction this morning was funny. Nova freaked out---of course---and proclaimed that he didn't look normal, didn't look like her dad, and that next time he does chemo, she doesn't want him to cut it like that before it falls out! (Not planning for a next time--this is a one time deal! Ha!) Griff laughed and told Dan that he didn't want to cut his hair that way because it looked TOO crazy. 

Tender Mercies

*Having a sense of normalcy again!

*More friends and neighbors showing love through stopping by, listening, checking in and even bringing goodies to our house. We have the best of friends!

*Dan felt well enough to attend Sacrament Meeting.

*Dan being able to work so far through everything. He actually was given a blessing when all of this started--even before we knew it he would need chemo that he would be able to work and get all of his work obligations fulfilled even if he wasn't feeling well. We have totally seen that be the case, and feel so grateful.

*We have had so many offers for help and many people helping watch kids while we get where we need to. 

*Dan didn't have a reaction on Monday to the drug that gave him a reaction last week.

*Nova had had a small lesion removed from her mouth a few weeks ago that they had to remove and had sent in to get tested. I was a little worried about getting the results back (I am totally over waiting for pathology and biopsy reports!) but everything came back great and we are so grateful that it was nothing more serious.

Hardest things this week:

*Sunday night and Monday feeling emotionally and physically exhausted. 

*Griffon being sick along with Dan.

Dan goes in for another treatment on Monday and then has Tuesday and Friday off again before he has another heavy week of chemo the following week. Hooray for a weekend that will be better than the last! 

Chemo Week 1

We have made it through the first week of chemo. Huzzah! 

All in all its gone smoothly and we are so grateful. This whole time Dan hasn't complained at all and has been so positive. He has been so optimistic and cheerful through this whole thing even though I know it hasn't been easy for him.  Go Dan!

Although he hasn't felt completely awful, he hasn't felt super great and normal either--but it has been way better than the doctors, or we were anticipating! Yesterday and today have been his hardest days so far. They said that through the weekend and into Tuesday he might feel pretty low and crummy, but after that, he should be on the upswing.

Some side effects he has had so far:

His eyes and face are swollen--probably from the steroids. 

He has a metallic taste in his mouth and some food tastes weird.

Meals don't sound particularly great to him, but he is able to snack and eat decently.

Feels fatigued

Tender mercies this week:

*Dan has hardly felt any nausea--it mostly has hit him today and yesterday. He hasn't had to take any additional medication for anything outside of his pre-meds and actual chemo drugs until Friday. He gets anti-nausea medication with his chemo, but not having to take anything additional nearly all week has been a blessing.

*He has been able to sleep OK without the sleeping pills they prescribed.

*He has had pretty good energy and has been in pretty good spirits most of the week.

*His nurses have been so nice and so great. The infusion/cancer center is awesome and about 10 minutes from our house, which makes it easy to go back and forth.

*My parents have been here and have entertained the kids and allowed me to be with Dan. 

*After being at the clinic all week long Dan and I feel so fortunate that our stay there will be so short lived. There are people who are doing 8 or 10 or 12 rounds and are so sick. Dan and I feel guilty for having it so easy comparatively. Which I know sounds insane. I just ache for the people there. 

*I had some friends who coordinated with my mom and made some bread mix for Nova so that making her bread will be more streamlined. It was such a gift of love and service to me.

*More friends dropped by a ton of paper products and a gift card to Costco so that I won't have to do dishes. It was so kind and thoughtful.

*We have felt prayers and love from friends and family near and far with people checking in and calling and texting and emailing.

*A friend watched our kids while we went to the temple last Saturday and grabbed some lunch. It was so wonderful to be able to get to the temple and have a little date before we geared up for chemo.

*I have had energy and haven't felt tired.

The kids have been great at helping out and getting along and helping around the house, and being content with a very low key winter break.

Hardest things this week:
*Watching Dan progressively feel a little weaker and sicker each day. Its never fun to watch someone you love--let alone your best friend not feel well, knowing there isn't much you can do for them.

*Trying to balance my time as a mom and wife. Although my mom has been here, I have missed being a mom and being with my kids, and feeling torn between where I should be.

Thank you again to everyone who has been praying on our behalf and putting our names in the temple. Your prayers are being heard and answered.  The power of prayer is so real and so powerful. Dan and I have felt very strongly this week that the reason he is doing so well is because of prayers that are being said by so many. Prayer matters.

Today we attended a baptism of one of our "California cousins" and in one of the talks it talked about how those who make baptismal covenants bare one another's burdens. I have always loved the imagery of that principle, but never have I felt it so much as I have had these last few weeks. I have felt my own burdens be light because of the prayers that have been said and the service that has been done for us--both big and small. This experience does not seem as heavy because of Christ, and Christ-like friends. It has inspired me think about my own discipleship, and how I can be a better disciple of Christ. It has also made me think about how I serve and how I can better show love to those I care about so they can feel it like I have felt it these last few weeks. We have felt beyond loved and cared for--it has been overwhelming.

We love you all! Goodbye week 1 and onto week 2!

Dan after 12 hours of chemo. Maybe he was a little loopy because he posed for this picture on top of this statue at the hospital on our way out.

 Last Dan of chemo week 1

Cancer

I wrote all of my feelings on the last few weeks, but after I typed it all up, it just felt to personal, so here is a simple run down of everything for anyone interested. Maybe at some point I will post it here, but not today. I do think that I will keep updates here (or at least try to) during the next few weeks as we navigate chemotherapy. 



For those who want a simple run down of everything Dan has testicular cancer. We found out Christmas Eve and it has been a whirlwind month and a half to say the least. These last few weeks have been crazy and a bit scary at times, but so completely full of tender mercies, blessings, miracles, and peace. 

He had surgery mid January, and we found out it was a bit more serious than they originally thought (needs to be treated by chemo instead of just radiation) So, Dan is starting chemotherapy on Monday and will be doing 2 rounds, and be done before baby boy Hope moves in. Yeah! Doing so little chemo is such a blessing and hopefully being done before little Dash comes, is another huge relief. (Not his real name--just his nickname)  We feel incredibly blessed that we found his tumor early and that we have such a great support system from our biological families as well as our California family. :)

We also feel extremely blessed that this cancer is 98% survivable and according to his doctors, the lottery of all cancers. Which although it seems ironic to put it that way, we feel so fortunate to be dealing with this as opposed to something much more serious. 

Things I have been reminded of these last few weeks:

Heavenly Father's love for His children is real. Trials help us see His love and require us to seek it and ask for it.

Trials are hard and every single person has them. Some have more visible ones than others, but everyone is carrying burdens and trials that are so very hard to bear and seem unbearable--and ARE unbearable at times. They can feel heavy and too much if we try to do it alone. I also know that we aren't expected to to it alone. The atonement is powerful and Christ has suffered all so we don't have to do it alone. Ever. I am so grateful for the perspective of the gospel. 

We are stronger than we think we are, and the power of prayer is real.

Right before we found out about the cancer, I was listening to a talk by Elder Uchtdorf "The Infinite Power of Hope" 

I really loved this quote and it has been a good reminder about where my focus should be.

The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating darkness. Despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be. Despair kills ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul, and deadens the heart. Despair can seem like a staircase that leads only and forever downward.

Hope, on the other hand, is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father.

“in the depth of winter, [we find] within [us] an invincible summer.” ³¹

God is so good, and the gospel is what brings me hope and joy even when it would be easier to sit in a corner and cry.  (Not to say I have done my share of that either though. HA! But I just blame it on the pregnancy :) )