I doubt anyone will actually make it through this post, but I am a much faster typer and all the details I want to remember.
I should start this saga by saying that I went into the doctor Wednesday afternoon. I had been dialated to a 2, 2 weeks prior, and was really hopeful that I had made a tiny bit of progress since then. I was also hoping that they would strip my membranes. With Nova and Griff, I went into labor within 24 hours of having my membranes striped so I was hopeful that little Dash would be the same. Unfortunately, I was only to a 2.5 and she could hardly strip my membranes because my water sack was so low that she was worried about breaking my water.......(I was like--that's ok! Just break my water! Ha! She didn't think that was a good idea though.....) And she scheduled me for an induction on the 9th of April, when I would be 41 weeks. I came home SOOOO discouraged. I did not want to be pregnant for another week and a half. My mom had just come into town and I think mentally I was finally ok with actually doing the labor thing. Prior to the appointment, I still felt a little hesitant about my readiness to do the labor thing mentally and physically. The last few months had been draining on me and I just didn't feel prepared. The previous Thursday I started having contractions and really thought it was the real deal. I had kind of a panic attack and Dan gave me a blessing. It's not that I didn't want to have the baby, it was that I just felt like I needed a bit more time to prepare. Dan had only been done with chemo for 3 days and was still feeling sick, and I had a bad cold, and I just needed more time. But this appointment did it for me. I was ready for this 9 months of anticipation to come to the ultimate end--delivery.
I should start this saga by saying that I went into the doctor Wednesday afternoon. I had been dialated to a 2, 2 weeks prior, and was really hopeful that I had made a tiny bit of progress since then. I was also hoping that they would strip my membranes. With Nova and Griff, I went into labor within 24 hours of having my membranes striped so I was hopeful that little Dash would be the same. Unfortunately, I was only to a 2.5 and she could hardly strip my membranes because my water sack was so low that she was worried about breaking my water.......(I was like--that's ok! Just break my water! Ha! She didn't think that was a good idea though.....) And she scheduled me for an induction on the 9th of April, when I would be 41 weeks. I came home SOOOO discouraged. I did not want to be pregnant for another week and a half. My mom had just come into town and I think mentally I was finally ok with actually doing the labor thing. Prior to the appointment, I still felt a little hesitant about my readiness to do the labor thing mentally and physically. The last few months had been draining on me and I just didn't feel prepared. The previous Thursday I started having contractions and really thought it was the real deal. I had kind of a panic attack and Dan gave me a blessing. It's not that I didn't want to have the baby, it was that I just felt like I needed a bit more time to prepare. Dan had only been done with chemo for 3 days and was still feeling sick, and I had a bad cold, and I just needed more time. But this appointment did it for me. I was ready for this 9 months of anticipation to come to the ultimate end--delivery.
That night I went to YW to our activity, which ended in a lot of dancing--(attractive when you are 39 weeks pregnant) It was a stake talent show. and then I came home and walked about a mile and half with my mom.
I woke up on Thursday March 31st, at 6:00am with some contractions. They were hard and consistent--every 4 minutes apart. At 7 when Dan was leaving for work, I declared to him that I was pretty sure I was going to have a baby today--but also told him to go to work, since I wanted to make sure things kept going and I wanted to do most of the labor thing at home. :)
I consistently had contractions all through getting Nova off to school and getting showered and dressed. My mom and Griffon and I went to the dollar store for some puzzles for general conference. Still every 4 minutes. I could still walk and talk through them, so I kept telling myself that I should just stay home and not call Dan. We got home, and around noon I went for a walk to our nearest park. The contractions picked up a bit--I had a few 3 minutes apart and they were a bit stronger. I called Dan on the walk and we debated if he should come home. By the end of my walk, I texted and told him to come home and we could head to the hospital.
Dan came home and I brought out the bassinet and told him to set it up. (It takes under 5 min) My mom and I moved my bed over so we would have room for it and we snapped a couple of pictures and headed out to the hospital. Griffon was so excited, and I was really emotional hugging him as my baby for the last time, knowing that the next time I saw him, he would seem so huge. I told him that the next time I came home, I would bring him a new baby! He totally grinned and was so excited.
We arrived at the hospital at 2. I told them I had been having contractions since 6 in the morning. They hooked me up to a monitor and things were going great. But, the only downside was is that when they checked me I was only at a three. WHHAAAAATTT???? I felt like the biggest wimp, and pansy. Had I really only dilated a measly 1/2 cm in 8 hours? I started to question what I knew about my body and my ability to read its cues---and also my pain tolerance. At this point, the contractions were uncomfortable enough that I definitely didn't want to be sent home, but not strong enough that I couldn't keep a steady face during a conversation either. (my pride is obviously an issue....)
They had Doctor Hill, the on-call doctor come in and check me about 45 minutes later after I answered some questions to get me pre-admitted. I was at a "maybe 3.5" and he told me he suggested that I walk for a while.
The conversation went a little like this:
Dr: I would walk around a bit and see if things progress. It might get things moving a little.
Me: Can you just break my water? I go really fast after my water is broken.
Dr: But then we are committed you know? If you slow down or don't progress, we can just send you home--how far away from the hospital to you live?
Me: 10 minutes or so. (What I didn't say, but was thinking: "Oh, I am totally committed, and I will be having this baby today Doc.)
Dr: Oh, well, yeah, I mean you aren't huffing and puffing during our conversation, so it seems like you aren't in too much pain while I am watching your contractions, so, yeah, just walk around a bit--I am off at 7:30, so I don't think I will be the one to deliver you. I will come check on you in an hour or so and see how you are doing and decide whether you should stay.
Me: Ok. I'll walk. Thank you. (What I didn't say, but was thinking: "Seriously? You will be delivering my baby before dinner buddy.")
This conversation ended about 3:50.
My nurse told me that she was going to give me 20 minutes to walk around and come check on me. I asked for a blanket and pillow for Dan for the fold out bed because he was feeling pretty sick. I figured he could rest while I paced around for 20 minutes. After about 10 minutes I was having some really hard contractions. I debated calling in my nurse asking for an epidural, but my pride got the best of me---again.....seriously....I need to work on this.....I kept telling myself "I can do 10 more minutes---I can't ask for an epidural when I am at "maybe a 3.5." but when she came in 10 minutes later, I decided I would get one. Then I could relax. Dan did a ton of pressure points with Griffon but I just felt that I should just get an epidural and then we could both relax a bit before the final showdown.
The anesthesiologist who came in for my epidural about 4:25 was actually the same one who did Dan's surgery to remove his tumor---well both surgeries since after his first one he had internal bleeding so they had to put him under again.....so she totally recognized us. It was a weird sort of reunion. I think my nurse was wondering what the heck was up with my husband taking a nap on the couch---I told her, "Fun fact that isn't really fun: My husband just finished chemo last week, so he isn't feeling super great." Dan was up at that point and came over to help with the epidural.
She put in my epidural and I felt so hot and sweaty and felt terrible. I just tried to hold really still and was squeezing the life out of Dan's hand and was breathing really deeply. After it was in, I sat back and she told me that I would be feeling better by the next contraction. Welllllll.........it didn't. My nurse, Dagny, (who was the coolest and best nurse ever) started bustling around getting things ready for the delivery. I had another contraction, and then another and it actually didn't feel any better---just more painful. My eyes were mostly closed as I told Dan that it wasn't working and that I didn't think I could do it. I was scared to do this task of delivering this baby alone without any assistance. I had tears in my eyes because the feeling was just so intense. With Griffon, my epidural kicked in right after I had transitioned, but took immediate effect. So although I felt it all the way up to the end, I had it for the end and had a bit of respite before the grand finale. But I knew that for this baby, it was he and I.
She put in my epidural and I felt so hot and sweaty and felt terrible. I just tried to hold really still and was squeezing the life out of Dan's hand and was breathing really deeply. After it was in, I sat back and she told me that I would be feeling better by the next contraction. Welllllll.........it didn't. My nurse, Dagny, (who was the coolest and best nurse ever) started bustling around getting things ready for the delivery. I had another contraction, and then another and it actually didn't feel any better---just more painful. My eyes were mostly closed as I told Dan that it wasn't working and that I didn't think I could do it. I was scared to do this task of delivering this baby alone without any assistance. I had tears in my eyes because the feeling was just so intense. With Griffon, my epidural kicked in right after I had transitioned, but took immediate effect. So although I felt it all the way up to the end, I had it for the end and had a bit of respite before the grand finale. But I knew that for this baby, it was he and I.
To describe the last bit of labor seems nearly impossible. I would simultaneously describe his birth into this world the most terrifying, joyful, intense and spiritual thing I have ever done. After the anesthesiologist left, Dagny checked me and I was at a 9.5. I had dilated from maybe a 3.5 to a 9.5 in about 30 min. I told her I felt a lot of pressure. I thought about people I know who scream during labor and I tried moaning but the moment sound left my lips it just got worse, and so I just breathed. Dan whispered encouraging words to me. Dan is such a source of strength for me. I can easily get worked up (biggest understatement of all time) and just him holding my hand and looking at me and talking to me with confidence and calm can calm me down almost instantly. Dagny kept telling me that that pressure was my baby and that I could do it too.
Then something happened, an image of a painting that I love came into my mind, It is called She will find what is lost by Brian Kershisnik and I instantly thought of angels on the other side who were in that room with me. Women who have gone before me who were cheering me on. I felt the presence of my Grandma Zelma there with me and my Grandma Ila and even Dan's Grandma Thomas who I have never met. I felt empowered and strengthened through this image in my mind.
Doctor Hill came in, (not my doctor--she went on sabbatical the week before) and he said surprised, "Well! It looks like we progressed pretty fast! Let's have this baby!"
I pushed for 2 contractions and little Dashal was here. My left leg was numb but I could feel everything else. In between my contractions, the Doctor told me that if I pushed like that again, it would be done. I don't know if it was a mix of adrenaline, pain, excitement and hormones, but I started to sing.......yes.....sing. It didn't phase Dan, but my nurse was laughing and the doctor just looked completely bewildered. I started to sing, "I am strong! I am powerful! My body can do this! The human body is amazing! This is amazing!" Yeah......maybe my pride isn't such an issue after all......hahahahahaha!
Dashal cried for the 1st 20 minutes. A beautiful image I want to remember is Dan's face when he was born. Dan doesn't show a lot of emotion. But the look of joy on his face as Dash was born was really a moment I don't want to forget. As I pushed him out, I looked at Dan as he watched. After Dash was here, I just cried. I wept in relief that I had done it. I wept because I knew I had not done it alone, and that he was here safe and sound. For some strange reason I had a lot of worry about him getting here safe. But there he was, lying on my chest, and I was holding him with my arms instead of within my body. My sweet son who we prayed so hard for, who brought me peace and joy through a very difficult few months. The human body truly is amazing and we truly never are alone.
8 lbs 13oz of adorable-ness. Hardly any hair and 21.5 inches long. Having the kids up to see him was pretty magical. It is an incredible thing to SEE love. But as they met Dash for the first time, you could almost see it. They adored him and in my tired and exhausted state, I was so grateful that they will always have each other and that we will always have each other no matter what.
Birth is incredible, and the sacrifice and love of motherhood continues to astonish me. I am so grateful for a human body and human emotions no matter how difficult. So glad you are here my sweet little Dashal Pax!
Then something happened, an image of a painting that I love came into my mind, It is called She will find what is lost by Brian Kershisnik and I instantly thought of angels on the other side who were in that room with me. Women who have gone before me who were cheering me on. I felt the presence of my Grandma Zelma there with me and my Grandma Ila and even Dan's Grandma Thomas who I have never met. I felt empowered and strengthened through this image in my mind.
Doctor Hill came in, (not my doctor--she went on sabbatical the week before) and he said surprised, "Well! It looks like we progressed pretty fast! Let's have this baby!"
I pushed for 2 contractions and little Dashal was here. My left leg was numb but I could feel everything else. In between my contractions, the Doctor told me that if I pushed like that again, it would be done. I don't know if it was a mix of adrenaline, pain, excitement and hormones, but I started to sing.......yes.....sing. It didn't phase Dan, but my nurse was laughing and the doctor just looked completely bewildered. I started to sing, "I am strong! I am powerful! My body can do this! The human body is amazing! This is amazing!" Yeah......maybe my pride isn't such an issue after all......hahahahahaha!
Dashal cried for the 1st 20 minutes. A beautiful image I want to remember is Dan's face when he was born. Dan doesn't show a lot of emotion. But the look of joy on his face as Dash was born was really a moment I don't want to forget. As I pushed him out, I looked at Dan as he watched. After Dash was here, I just cried. I wept in relief that I had done it. I wept because I knew I had not done it alone, and that he was here safe and sound. For some strange reason I had a lot of worry about him getting here safe. But there he was, lying on my chest, and I was holding him with my arms instead of within my body. My sweet son who we prayed so hard for, who brought me peace and joy through a very difficult few months. The human body truly is amazing and we truly never are alone.
8 lbs 13oz of adorable-ness. Hardly any hair and 21.5 inches long. Having the kids up to see him was pretty magical. It is an incredible thing to SEE love. But as they met Dash for the first time, you could almost see it. They adored him and in my tired and exhausted state, I was so grateful that they will always have each other and that we will always have each other no matter what.
On the way out the door......
Holy crap, give me an epidural.......
Dashal!
bald head and bright eyes
His long frog legs
Also, for a virtual birth announcement the hospital puts together here is a link for that:
Note on his name: Pax means peace. We knew we liked that for his middle name. But for the first name, we really were down to the last few minutes of naming him just like Griffon. I wanted to go home the day after, but we wanted to get the birth certificate in before we left and get it notorized---basically, we NEEDED a deadline--or this kid would never have a name. The 2 we were down to were Ezra and Dashal. I tried to convince Dan on a few others that I still really liked, but they just didn't seem to fit him and Dan didn't like them--Milo, Odin, Twain, and Kessler.
We waffled back and forth, and if she would have come back in a few times, he would have been Ezra. We weighed the pros and cons of each name, tried each name, but the nickname given to him in the womb just had stuck to hard I guess. He was just Dash. However after we went to his 3 day appointment, and they came out and called him Da-shawl, I looked at Dan and told him I wanted to change his name to Ezra. (and truth be told......I may still be considering it, depending how sleep deprived I am?!?!?! Maybe??? I have problems!)
Birth is incredible, and the sacrifice and love of motherhood continues to astonish me. I am so grateful for a human body and human emotions no matter how difficult. So glad you are here my sweet little Dashal Pax!
4 comments:
Loved every bit of it! Sending you a giant hug (at least 30 seconds worth) so I hope you enjoy it!
I could have read 49 more paragraphs!! Love this sweet story so much!! Dash is such a cutie! Huge congrats!!! Love you guys!
Wow, you awesome thing, how the heck did you progress so fast and not have an epidural and not die? I think I will forever hold on to the idea of you SINGING about your amazing body as you gave that last push. Ha ha ha! You are seriously the coolest person on the planet. So excited to be your friend! I can't wait to meet your little man.
I love your blog! I read every word of your birth story with tears streaming down my face! You are an incredible woman of great faith, love, and strength!
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