What's Happen'n with the Hopes: Round 2

Last week is over! And I am so very very glad. It was long, but it went smoothly. It was hard, yet was made easier by so many people. I am overwhelmed and humbled by so many people in our lives who love us and care for us and are so willing to love and serve even when their own lives are busy and crazy and stressful. I truly felt angels on the other side last week as well as angels on this side as well. And we couldn't have done it without either.

This week was very much the same as week 1. They repeated the same drugs, same chemo schedule. He had the same side effects around the same time of the week and so although it was helpful to know what to expect, it was also this cloud looming knowing that it was just going to go downhill as the week progressed. By Thursday, he was declining and feeling weaker and yesterday he was completely wiped. He got a steroid yesterday to help produce white blood cells and so if everything repeats on schedule like last time, by tomorrow he will be feeling about a thousand times better than he does now. Doing anything kind of takes it out of him. He feels week and tired and just all round blah. I think this round hit him a bit harder than the last because he was weaker when it started. But, he doesn't have a cold like he did last time, so in that aspect, that has been better. He said this round has been harder than the first. But he has been amazing through this whole process. He hasn't complained at all. The most he will say is, "I'm ready for this to be done." I have always loved him, but seeing him take this with so much grace and strength has made me love him even more. He is so phenomenally incredible and I am so lucky to have him.

I am so grateful for friends who took Griffon for a bit everyday so I could be with Dan during chemo. Although he isn't super chatty and worked most of the time I was there, it was nice to eat lunch with him and break up the monotony of the day for him.

Tender mercies this week--consisting of mostly people :) I just want to remember how MUCH people have done for us. : (I am sure I am missing people in this too, I have tried to write everything down so I can remember, but still probably haven't even done a good job of it--our friends and ward family have been so unbelievable. It makes me want to be better at serving and loving.)

*Kate, Olivia, Melanie, and Michelle for watching Griffon. And Chrissy for being ready to watch my kids even though I cancelled at the last minute because my kids needed to be home.
*Erin and Jen for picking up Nova and letting her hang out at their house after school on the days that Dan wasn't quite done with chemo.
*Debbi and Erin for helping with Griff on Friday and getting him to gymnastics.
*Dave Erickson bringing cookies all the way from New York for Dan.
*Carol, Kate, Michelle, Cynthia, and Britt for bringing dinner. I have always been pretty terrible at asking for help, or accepting it for that matter because I have the mentality of just hunkering down and getting stuff done that needs to be done--even when its not easy. But having dinner brought in all week was the so amazing for me. By the end of the day I was completely wiped out, and only having to figure out food for Dan and Nova was way better than thinking of something for Griffon and I as well. But to top it off, everyone brought food that Nova could have at least some of and it was amazing to have that load lightened at the end of the day.
*Erin brought over some amazing bread that Dan devoured after nothing else sounded good.
*Phil watched Griffon while I was able to take Nova to a tap dance performance for her old teacher that she desperately wanted to go to.
*Our home teacher brought over some "chemo chip cookies." He made them himself.
*Friends and family texting and calling and sending letters to lift Dan's spirits.
*A gift card from Dave and Elisa to Red Robin.
*An anonomyous gift card to Chik-fil-a for us to get dinner from someone in our ward.
*We were able to enjoy a movie on Friday as a family. It has been a LONG time since we have had a Family movie night and it was so awesome to be together doing something normal even though Dan felt blah.

Hardest things for the week:
*The week in general was really long.
*We had an inspection at our property and I needed to make sure our house was clean and tidy.
*Watching Dan feel miserable.
*Finding out Wednesday that my amniotic fluid is low--they aren't super worried about it, but I have been told I need to drink a gallon a day and rest twice a day. Drinking a gallon a day with a baby sitting on my bladder means I am living in the bathroom or always needing to GO to the bathroom. Hahaha!
*Thursday afternoon. The kids were so done. They were play-dated out. They were tired. They were cranky. Nova particularly had a rough time. As in epic meltdowns. I think at this point of the week everyone was kind of done. Ha!

SIDE NOTE ON FRIDAY (that will be of no interest to anyone but me, but I wanted to record it somewhere.)

*I so carefully orchestrated getting everywhere where I needed to be. I needed to be at the school in the morning to check to see if there was any prep work for Nova's classroom. Then I dropped Griffon off at our neighbor Erin's house. Then I ran back to the school to drop off Nova's backpack that she had left that morning (The morning was so crazy because we were trying to tidy everything up for an inspection happening later in the morning that I wouldn't be home for.) I then volunteered in Nova's class, and left early so I could be to Dan's doctors appointment on time. Another friend, Debbi, picked up Griffon from Erin's house to get him to gymnastics where I would meet her before it ended.
After leaving Nova's school a little early to get to Dan's doctors appointment on time I was feeling really proud of myself because I was actually a little early to Dan's doctors appointment. (Typically I am running behind.) I texted him as I was parking to let him know I was there and he texted back as I was walking in to say he had been pulled back early for his appointment, it had only lasted 3 minutes and he was done. I felt SO defeated. After all my careful planning and figuring, I still couldn't be everywhere where I felt like I should be. It was frustrating and annoying. I kind of wanted to put my head in my hands and cry. I could have been home for the inspection. I could have finished volunteering. I could have picked up Griffon and taken him to gymnastics. I felt exhausted trying to be impossibly everything for everyone. But instead, I just took a moment to be really mad and then decided I didn't even have enough energy to be mad about it.
I had packed Dan a lunch and sat with him for a bit while he got started on chemo and went and met Griff and Debbi at gymnastics. Because I was exhausted and my kids were exhausted, I cancelled the playdate for the kids that afternoon and we hung out at home. Griff and I had a great nap while Nova played quietly. And that night we had a movie night all together. Although Dan didn't feel good, it was such a great thing to just be together and have things feel normal. It was a good reminder that I can't do it all--as much as I want to and that as much as I can simplify things, I need to.